my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable
and avoid shutting down. I ask myself: dont you appreciate that? It could [also] mean they have an inability to tolerate close or intimate relationships with anyone, no matter who they are involved with, which doesnt have anything to do with you. I wouldnt really call that often in my book. Ex-Boyfriend Wants Space and Time after being hurt- Will he come back? Its always up to me as if I am just a queen dispensing order. I want a guy who cares about me a lot, sure, but not someone who sabotages their own life to be with me. Is it really only 2 nights a week, or is it 2 nights then the weekends? You can only change yourself, and its up to you to make the choice to work on yourself and encourage your codependent partner to do the same. my boyfriend lives out of town but not too far away, so we have met many times and even spent christmas eve together. Im interested in psychology. I want him to be open and speak to me about hard topics even if it risks starting a fight or opening up new, uncomfortable vulnerabilities. Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password. Selfish. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Gas prices are ridiculous these days, Id point out when my friends found his habit of backing out of plans due to insufficient funds inconsiderate. He just stays overnight and leaves in the morning. My boyfriend and I have a few overlapping friends, but most are from our different areas of life. It is not as though he can travel recreationaly whenever he wants and you cannot ever go anywhere. I was hurting him. Being around him is never fun. Its important to note that there are many reasons why someone may feel unwanted, including some causes that may signify a deeper problem with yourself or your relationship. Im angry all the time., My eyes darted around the room. He wants it in texts, he wants it in calls, he wants it in conversations, he wants it by seeing me smile, he wants it when were intimate . You know you really want everyone to get along and do the right thing, If he doesn't want to take the time to look further then you shouldn't worry, be yourself and the right people will appreciate your desire to help. Sometimes I just want to stay in my pajamas and eat a bucket of ice cream without him reaching in to scoop it out and pretend to like the movie were watching. Did you like my article? To use social login you have to agree with the storage and handling of your data by this website. Even though he would still smile and nod and say no problem.. That is seriously messed up. I felt like I had split personalities, my allegiances constantly shifting. Wow, that you even have to ask says a lot about your character. You see the smallest of details and that can include seeing flaws in others. I went to the bathroom, and when I got out, I was relieved to find him standing there holding his cat. Hes so dependent on pleasing me that he almost never argues or even says his own opinion and Im left in an endless guessing game about where he actually stands emotionally or how hes feeling about something. I was just relieved he wasnt mad at me so I dropped it. If a man has noticed this trait and returned that in kind, then he is likely struggling with some of his own issues and you probably sensed that about him anyway. My hunch is the issue isn't travel, the issue is how young you are and he is letting you know it won't be serious. Any man worth your time will help you to find balance in those things and not judge you for it. Obviously, I like him a lot and weve been together for two years now but him putting me so far ahead of everything else that he even negatively impacts his own life makes me feel weird. RELATED:7 Uncomfortable Signs You're Growing As A Person. One minute, Id vow to change my ways and hold him to lower expectations. It is not as though he is the CEO of a corporation and you want nothing more than to be a cashier. With that said though any man or person that's going to resort to rude or cold tactics is probablypretty insecure themselvesand you may be reflecting back to them something, they haven't been able to understand just yet. This quality could leave a man feeling uncomfortable about what he just doesn't know. Here are some reasons why a partner may seem like they dont want you when its actually something else going on in their life instead: Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast, featuring singer/songwriter Grace Gaustad, shares how to deal with feelings of loneliness. You tell him: I have been thinking about what you said regarding some things about me make you uncomfortable. Honestly, there will be guys out there that your energy can stun in a way. It stinks having to live with someone you dont want to or dont really know. It doesnt always have to be the end of the road in a relationship, instead, it can be the start of a new, stronger, more romantic partnership based on mutual support combined with a rejuvenating amount of independence and personal self-sufficiency. Someone who genuinely cared about you, the person, would not dream of saying such a thing. ), Not engaging with your content on social media when they do with others, Not listening to you when you share stories or voice your concerns, Past experiences of feeling unwanted by a partner. I have my own issues too, which Ive been working on. Regardlessof how you may have come across, assuming you weren't being mean in some way, If someone else feels inclined to judge your book by your cover then it's really on them to resolve or not. They spend hours together everyday, either on call or in person. You really don't want to try to force a future with a kid whose priorities are so **** up he thinks it's OK to skip work to stay home & play a video game. Due to my financial situations and the fact that Im stuck in school, I have not had such opportunities. Its more like he is personally so invested in my life and whereabouts that its all he cares about and pays attention to. I ranted about how misunderstood he was. Suzannah Weiss is a Contributing Writer for Everyday Feminism and a New York-based writer whose work has appeared in The Washington Post, Salon, Seventeen, Buzzfeed, The Huffington Post, Bustle, and more. If a man brushes you off for that quality then he may be wanting to keep certain touchy topics to himself and you may better off letting him move on. Such an underserving girlfriend. We've been married for almost 3 years and it's been this way since we said "I DO." I don't know what to do anymore. Your boyfriend doesn't pay rent, so he's a guest using utilities in Roommate's home all the time. You may simply have been manipulated into believing you are one. IMO, it's *how* he expressed the differences which make him undateable/unworthy. But we now depend 100% on reader support to keep going. I just couldnt quite put my finger on it. For him your relationship has run it's course. Manipulative people have sneaky ways of making their partners think their comfort zones dont matter. Honestly, I have no problem with texting or calling to check in with my boyfriend. Probably tell him that his comments felt condescending, hurt my feelings, and made me question whether he was just treading water being with me until someone 'up to his standards' came along. Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. I mean, come on If I wasnt physically and emotionally attracted I wouldnt be having sex with him and spending hours a day multiple times a week over at his place or vice versa. Instead, be open and honest about how you're feeling. 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. Sometimes I feel like hes drowning and I need to pull him up out of the water with my own positivity. If that does happen though, then he probably couldn't keep up with you in important areas anyway. Especially since I also compromised with him throwing parties on Saturdays (he works during the week) while I stay home and need to study. And if I stay quiet, hell smile as we cuddle on the couch and not say anything is wrong, even though I can tell hes feeling unappreciated or neglected. RELATED:Your Definitive Guide To Being WAY Less Awkward. He will realise you are missing and wonder why. I would drop him and say I wouldn't want to inconvenience you any longer. Well, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but he puts his own modern-day twist on them. If you don't think the company your in is up to your level, they will definitely know. Thats basically what it is. It might just mean you've started to see him for who he is: a person with flaws, like everyone else. Dialogues Clin Neurosci. You may have a tendency to pry into people's lives, digging into them as fast as you can do determine who they are and where their weaknesses and strengths lie. Id love for him to just once be honest and tell me exactly what hes thinking and be open when he disagrees instead of trying to placate me. Certainly, we all have done things we've felt less than proud of but being yourself should never be one of them. You know Taurus can be stubborn, that trait will include your high standards. For instance, holding hands or a hug. He is trying to point out to you that he does not feel your circumstances are up to his par but he will still hang out with you. Eventually, it became impossible to play the roles of both the loyal girlfriend and the friend and daughter of people who wanted the best for me. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. I know my boyfriend had a hard childhood growing up in a broken home where his mom had a problem with alcohol, and hes struggled with depression, so I understand that he has low self-esteem and some personal issues. Your roommate seems like they need a sit down around whats reasonable for cohabitating. what does he mean by that? Ive come to the rather upsetting conclusion that my boyfriend is codependent. If everyone reading this only gave $12, we could raise enough money for the entire year in just one day. I had enough money to pay for his meals, so I again felt petty that it made me uncomfortable. Affordable pricing + discounts available. What was wrong with me? It never used to be a problem at least I didnt think it was at first. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. By entering this site you declare If self-reflection and having a conversation with your partner doesnt resolve the issue, you may want to consider speaking with a therapist. Leo's you know that you love to have a good time. By Morgan Mandriota Its just I wish my boyfriend would set some boundaries for himself and not make everything dependent on me. October 25, 2020, 3:25 pm Theyre popular because their advice works. Cancer ladies are some of the most emotional of all the horoscope signs, this quality can sometimes come across when you're not happy and show as reclusiveness. Were taking it day by day, but I emphasized to him that I dont want him to just agree with everything about codependency because I might leave him if he doesnt. If youre both open to it, you can also seek out a couples therapist to discuss your experiences together. The no-veto rule is an ideal; your concern is practical in nature. Mad he wouldnt pay me back the money he owed. Answer: It's totally understandable that you don't think you love this guy yet. Anyway, he says that he feels uncomfortable with the gap in world experience between us. Forget about my anger toward him. He almost never asks for time alone and apart from blaming himself for everything he seems to basically think he only exists to please me. After he told me what to paint and hovered over me complaining that I was doing it all wrong, I got mad and left the room. I had heard it once or twice on Dr. Phil or somewhere but Id never paid much attention. Just allow your partner to initiate and go from there, letting your partner know if there's anything you're not OK with. I was telling a friend about my newly acquired habit of picking the split ends from my waist-length hair. I couldnt just let things go, could I? Sometimes I do need help, lets be honest. will give you some amazing techniques to change your love life around. Sounds like they want you for themselves or something. Dr. Nelson reminds that your partner may be going through their own personal matters, including mental, emotional, or physical health issues. See additional information. They just seem to give you an energy that something about you has them stressed out in some way you just can't put a fingeron. Uh, I mean, no pressure What can I say? Will give you some amazing techniques to change your love life around think you love to have a good.! To pull him up out of the water with my own positivity mean, no pressure what I... Had heard it once or twice on Dr. Phil or somewhere but Id never paid much.! Lets be honest nothing more than to be a problem at least I didnt think was! At me so I dropped it details and that can include seeing flaws others... 3:25 pm Theyre popular because their advice works pm Theyre popular because their advice works everything. 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The fact that im stuck in school, my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable mean, no pressure what can I say is ideal. To try and find it again understandable that you love to have a good time which Ive working! Growing as a person october 25, 2020, 3:25 pm Theyre popular because their advice works its just wish... Up out of the water with my own issues too, which Ive been working on in things. Twice on Dr. Phil or somewhere but Id never paid much attention meals, so he 's a using! That your partner may be going through their own personal matters, including mental emotional! About my newly acquired habit of picking the split ends from my hair... Judge you for it the split ends from my waist-length hair that it made me.... Level, they will definitely know their comfort zones dont matter least I didnt think my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable at! And wonder why only 2 nights a week, or is it really only nights. One of them was at first the company your in is up to as! 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